So when the Jocelyn Kirsch story broke [Drexel girl with fake boobs courtesy of her plastic surgeon dad becomes cyber-Bonnie to a Penn grad Clyde], it was only a matter of moments before fabulous Facebook had a group called "Jocelyn Kirsch is Scandalous". As soon as Abe emailed me about it, I joined up and got to view my itty-bitty Facebook photo and I.D. right below that of his and Anna's too. In our defense, I have to explain that our interest in the story is beyond the mere prurient; Jocelyn Kirsch is someone with whom David and I have had some minor business dealings. Our darling real estate agent/surrogate son Dave had acted as "property manager" for a condo we briefly owned three years ago; the flaky,annoying,obnoxious,bratty,late on her rent tenant-from-hell whom he rented it to was none other than the afore-mentioned Ms. Kirsch. Because David and I had no actual dealings with this whole real-estate debacle, we had never seen Jocelyn in person. It probably wouldn't have mattered, for identification purposes, because the Jocelyn who rented from us has since had , according to unimpeachable online sources, a rhinoplasty among other things reconstructive. To quote my late father-in-law,I guess she cut off her nose to spite her race. And about her now-ample bosom, the Drexel rumor mill states that the plastic-surgeon father sent her the silicon beauties as a "Christmas present". I have my suspicions about this. It was my impression that breast implants are not a D.I.Y. project and usually require a physician and some sort of medical facility. We may never know.
Not only do we have the curious and spurious connection with Jocelyn from her time at 2601 Parkway, but we also have the dubious distinction of living one block away from the Belgravia, the condo building that she and her boyfriend Edward lived in while they helped themselves to their neighbors' identities, credit cards, checkbooks, and whatever else wasn't nailed down. Just the other night, David was walking Nelly and noticed two local news vans parked outside,undoubtedly waiting for a glimpse of the new Bonnie and Clyde or perhaps one of their irate neighbors looking for a chance to rant.
Apparently the Ballad of Jocelyn and Ed has been picked up by the AP and every other wire service and Internet news source that's worth its weight in implants. Jocelyn, in her unending search for attention, has had herself photographed incessantly, all over the world, with her "Christmas presents" hanging out for all to see. A quick Google Image search can grant you a gallery's worth of Jocelyn, the homely mugshots juxtaposed ironically with the glam photos, like an offbeat take on the prototypical magazine makeover.
So I suppose if you look up "Schadenfreude" in the dictionary you'll find the definition, "people who have known and loathed Jocelyn Kirsch and are now happily blogging about it". Facebook has certainly contributed its bit towards documenting the life and legend of this modern-day Bonnie. In addition to the group my well-educated children and I belong to ("Jocelyn Kirsch is Scandalous") there is also a Facebook group, which I just now joined "Jocelyn Kirsch is Going to JAAAAIL (and it's hilarious)" or something like that.
Jocelyn and Ed, who are currently out on a whole lot of bail, will be returning to Philly in February for sentencing. The word on the street is that once again white privilege will talk and they will walk. It's hard to say. The Feds may get involved because of the little issue of the Spyware they installed to hack into other people's computers to help finance their spending sprees, and in that case they may get the book thrown at them. Coincidentally, I'm scheduled for jury duty around that time. Stay tuned, dear readers, for even in the gray days of a Philadelphia winter,things may be looking up!